So where did I go?

Discontent is a curious thing. Generally it's considered bad form and whatnot, unless you're a person in power, but then it isn't discontent, it's leadership. Those in power have their discontent redefined as a movement, or a method, or a style, or a revolution, or a paradigmatic, missional shift.

But, it's discontent all the same, and people in power aren't the only ones who feel it. The very best leaders, the only real leaders in my estimation, have a discernment about discontent, a sharp eye for what is holy discontent, spurred by the Spirit in the midst of the communinity, and unholy discontent spurred by a different spirit in the community. The former is prophetic, the latter is destructive.

The harsh thing in Christian communities is there's such an utter lack of discernment, especially among leadership. I would suggest we are living in the least discerning time in Christian history. But that's not the point of this post.

Rather, I realized that in reading through the latter two books assigned my own discontent was rising. Not at the authors, not at their communities, or methods, but at my own ministry experience and my own ministry past dealing with leaders who had positions of leadership but never did lead. What did they do? They took up space, and still do, thinking that leading involves telling people what to do and how to do it, or rather what not to do and how not to do it.

That's what hits my frustrations, for in the books I was reading I was not just reading about their ministries and their events. I was reading about my own passions, I was reading the thoughts of people I knew and worked with, and struggled with. I kept saying, "Yeah, we did that." Or "Yeah, that we could have been there." Only we didn't because the hammer fell, a hammer of power, and control, and selfish ambition.

So why did I not wander off to another field, skip out on the church of my youth and begin anew. Because of the other books I read in this course which lauded communities for their vision, and knowing for myself those communities, and many like them, folded and shut down, the vision momentary and passionate, rather more like a heated affair than a real commitment.

The Emerging Church is a serial monogamist, always extremely committed to the commitment of the moment, but always drifting, drifting, drifting, so there's a whole pile of sloughed off people, once passionate, now wandering in their own frustrated discontent. The promise is beautiful for the moment, but doesn't last, because visions don't last, because commitments don't last, because leaders who style themselves new Pauls don't last. The only problem is they do not have Paul's ability to go where no one else has gone before. They stir the same pot, driving past each other, flying by each other, rebuilding on top of the smoldering ruins of the previous community.

I stepped back because that's what I saw, and didn't see in myself anything different.

I stepped back because of the studies that say well over half of those who go into ministry don't last in ministry. If I am to last in ministry I had to step back and discover what it was that would push me past the discontented, polyamorous forms of ministry that thrive in publisher and Leadership based models.

And in this is my own discontent, a holy form which pushes me to try and see, and I think I've seen something, something which peeks out in previous posts. But it's not in those books assigned, or in conversations of style, and liturgy, and yet one more attempt at authenticity.

It's something deeper, and something I haven't yet gotten my hands around, but I'm trying to. And in trying to do that I think it's sometimes better for me to remain silent, if the only words which arise are those of discontent.

That critical part of my own vision seems to push me to see something broader and helpful, but also can drive me into being judgmental or merely a plain bore. That's not the side of me I want to invest in, and neither do I want to invest in words just for the sake of words.

I enjoyed the class because of the face to face discussions, the wrestling together, the conversation, things which decidely seem to lack online, where my words seem only to serve to pad my own discontent.

That's not something I need. What I need is the Holy Spirit, and there are ways to go about finding the Spirit spoken of throughout history, and posting book reviews is not the way to go about doing it.

So there you go. My prickliness emerged, and I didn't like how it was looking.

Response to Shaping of Things to Come posts

Again, a wonderful and varied approach to the same book. I greatly enjoy hearing the different perspectives.

Cranston seems to be our voice of moderation. He is excited about the Emerging Church possibilities but his context has him needing to implement them within a traditional structure. With this is his excellent balance in understanding that not all churches will become shoe selling venues or pub gatherings. Frost and Hirsch too easily dismiss the traditional structures which are in fact doing very good work in people's lives. Indeed, as they note throughout their book the ideas seem to be good, but have yet to really be transformational in many cases. Many, many people are in fact transformed within the standard structures, so Cranston is right to warn us, not sounding cynical at all, instead revealing his experience. I would suggest, however, that while the A personality may always rise to the top and take over, such people are not always the wisest, most discerning, or even the best leaders. Yes, there will always be the trend of such people coming forth, but part of the pastors job in my estimation is following Jesus in bringing people to leadership who may need a bit of prodding and training at first. Such people bring unique gifts to the table which may otherwise be overlooked to the detriment of the community.

Drew once again reveals his community as already within the goals of the Emerging Church, and reflecting much of what Frost and Hirsch emphasize. It is interesting to me how much a simple change of self-understanding makes. At the Well people understand themselves as missionaries, with this changing every response, certainly even subtle ones. I am left wondering, however, if there are still aspects the Well can better develop. Are there critiques Drew has, which may help spur his church onwards even farther?

Cranston is working in a setting now trying to see how Emerging concepts can be implemented. Drew is discussing a setting where they are part of the DNA of the community. With Samuel we hear what it is like to be within a setting entirely non-Emerging. I feel for him, and I know what it is like to have a sense of what needs to be done, yet blocked by those above from moving in that direction. They are in full an expression of Christendom. I'm curious how Samuel is feeling about this internally and in connection with his own calling. Over and over again we have heard how those with Emerging conceptions just can't work for very long within contexts that are so against these concepts. It's too hard for the emotions and for the soul. Yet, Samuel is doing just that, and likely this class, with the readings, has made the challenges even more distinct. So, I am curious about where he is at, how he is thinking, if he has any thoughts of response within his context. We know his church is an expression of Christendom... so now what?

Sadly, our feminine presence within the group had circumstances beyond her control which prompted her to drop this class. I for one valued her contributions and pray that whatever the situation is that God will bring peace and healing into it and will resolve it soon and thoroughly.

thoughts on the Spirit

From the National Pastors Convention. And from a Methodist oddly enough. Skye Jethani notes this at the end of his post:

The mysterious movement of God’s Spirit is what separates spiritual leadership from all other kinds. Some want us to believe that “leadership is leadership” whether in business, government, or church. And we can take principles from one arena and employ them in the others. I don’t believe that. Sure, pragmatics are transferable, but the work of the Living God is something altogether mysterious and uncontrollable.

I certainly agree. Which is sort of what bothers me about many books on ministry.

by the by
I am reminded again that books on ministry for whatever reason are never quite helpful to me as books that inspire me in my ministry. I think I like to draw my own conclusions from all manner of other sources, and the fact is charts and diagrams bother me.

It's a peculiarity I know. I'm trying to recover from this weakness... but ministry books for me are a bit like alcohol to an alcoholic. Good and fun for a lot of people, but I should probably abstain.

Also, I promise everyone to keep my posts within or at least around the limits for the next two reviews. Please forgive my utter lack of succinctness up to this point.

Response to Churchless Faith Posts

Perspective is a wonderful thing. The same topic can be examined from different places, with each place providing a welcomed view. My perspective came from someone who is according to the standard definitions "unchurched". When I was working in a church I was the one very aware of how to keep nominals within our body, I even wrote a long paper on evangelizing nominal Christians for my church, and so I have generally been the one to argue the Church, and each church, needs to respond to the needs of the people. With this book, however, my perspective turned around and I began to look more closely at those who leave, not to blame or accuse but because this is my perspective now. A book I would have valued more in the past prompted a more negative critique, something which surprised me.

Those in my class group each come from an entirely different perspective and so look on this book with different concerns and different responses.

Cranston is the lead pastor at his church, a church which is realizing it has grown somewhat older, and stayed static far too long. He came in with the heart to bring revitalization and renewal for the church and the community. Cranston enjoyed the book, but has different issues. The leavers have long since left, and those who remain are not going to leave, but neither do they want to change. They like things the way they are, and thus the issues in the book don't quite fit Cranston's context. My suspicion is that Cranston's church needed this book about twenty years ago.

Drew talks about the church he attended in Portland, Oregon, which he attended for well over a year. The Well, as it is called, fits into the Emerging Church mold, and so Drew's perspective is one well involved within the movement this class is discussing. He notes that The Well seems to be made up of those who were leavers, and who found safety within this new community. Instead of staying away from church, they became the rechurched, within a new community which because it was made up of "disillusioned followers" or "reflective exiles" has been able to reach out to others in the same position. In this, The Well seems to reflect the sort of "liminal" community Jamieson discusses (161ff.). It is wonderful to hear such communities are around. Indeed it is an encouragement to me. Hopefully this community will keep this perspective and not fall into the malaise of some model, or having solved the questions of the leaders, simply dissolve as many Emerging Churches I know have done. Keeping the liminality is a trick, which requires both maturation and openness to coincide.

Katrina is looking at a community which she has been somewhat a part of, but because of transportation has not become fully integrated. Thus, she's looking at the community as an attender but still somewhat an outsider. Like Drew her church is already engaging as an Emerging Church and so it too has the "liminal community" aspect going on. This too is wonderful to see. One of the problems I've seen in my experience with healthy liminal communities is they seem to have a short life span. Two churches came out of my home church, both reflecting EC values, exhibiting the liminal qualities which welcome the leaver and the questioner. Yet neither survived. Indeed my home church began to take on very accepting positions as well, and became stuck. People need a place to ask questions. But they also need to find answers. When the leadership itself gets weary of the questioning phase they all too often find themselves another "vision" and move on, with the community falling apart. This isn't a prediction about Drew's or Katrina's churches, but it is something to watch for.

Samuel seems to be in the most difficult spot, and I totally identify with him as it describes my own position several years ago. There are leavers, and they are leaving, but the senior leadership won't listen or change to adapt to their concerns, which leaves Samuel as a staff pastor in a difficult position himself. The front door, with new members, is the strong emphasis, while the back door is left open, and my guess those who leave are blamed for their own lack of commitment or sin. The Pastor notices the lack of mature Christians, but doesn't understand the path of Christian maturity that often entails frustrations, and questions, and doubt. They are set up to enlist, but not to train, and feel the burden of this. For Samuel then there is a responsibility. Prayer is certainly a wise course, for to change the attitudes the Spirit is going to have to get involved. Also, maybe there could be a way for him to teach and inform others of the patterns of Christian growth, establishing an understanding in the staff and in the congregation of the expectations. This most certainly would have to be subtle, mixed in with other teaching responsibilities, but by educating those around him he can slowly turn this big ship. Before they respond they have to understand the context of the full Christian life from rebirth to maturity. May God give him strength and wisdom in his efforts.

Oh and...

In the book I reviewed below I noted that Alan Jamieson used Fowler's Stages of Faith as a key part of his analysis. I'm thinking at some point I might do a fuller review of Fowler, though not here.

That all being the case, if Fowler was intriguing to you, and helpful, as he generally is to most people thinking about faith things, I would heartily recommend James Loders' The Logic of the Spirit.

Loder takes Fowler's categories as a part of an overall study of human psychological and spiritual development, with the wonderful addition of really taking the specifics of the Christian faith seriously, and integrating a very excellent understanding of the Holy Spirit in it all. Fowler alone is a bit like Niebuhr's Christ and Culture, it's a good conversation starter but overall an incomplete approach to real people.

My Ministry Philosophy

Here it is, in all its leadership inducing splendor:

A Churchless Faith
This is a day late. And it's far too long. I think I got the good bits done in the first 500 words, however, so feel free to stop not long after the book summary. But, since I'm auditing, I think I can get away with my rule breaking.

Here's my consideration of A Churchless Faith:
People leave churches. At a certain point in history, maybe most of the last 2000 years, this would be a sure sign of their apostasy. Cyprian, in the 3rd century, said it most clearly, “Whoever is separated from the Church and is joined to an adulteress is separated from the promises of the Church, nor will he that forsakes the Church of Christ attain to the rewards of Christ.” The adulteress here being nothing other than an unacceptable congregation.

But people do leave churches and it’s not because they leave God. It is often because the God who is calling them deeper is not to be found in the churches they attend, and the pastors who lead may not themselves know of the depths of the Christian faith. So they leave to find this elsewhere, sometimes landing no where.

Alan Jamieson seeks to analyze those who leave the church in his book A Churchless Faith, with his premise being that many who leave the Church are not leaving the faith but seeking the Faith.

In his interviews he came up with four types of leavers, each reflecting a different level of faith response in their leaving. The Disillusioned Followers who have left the church because of specific complaints about “the direction, leadership or level of care offered by the church” (50). Next there are the Reflective Exiles, who have decided questions about the faith of the church itself and seek answers their church cannot provide. Then there are Transitional Explorers. These people have moved past the stark questions and are looking to rebuild their faith in a renewed journey. They want more, and the Church does not seem to offer these new paths of discovery. Finally, there are the Integrated Wayfinders are those who have found a new path, and have integrated their faith according to new values, which may not reflect the values in their present church experience.

Jamieson continues his book with an examination of Fowler’s Stages of Faith, which puts the responses to the Church in terms of each individual’s present apprehension of faith itself. People have different sorts of faith, with different questions, responses, and needs, which then affect how and why they leave church. With this, Jamieson concludes with some helpful suggestions about how and why these leavers can be integrated within the broader concept of Church, helping both themselves and the communities which they left.

Being my own focus is on an Unchurched Church this text might seem both quite insightful and helpful. Yet while I appreciated his initial categories, and the stories which led to them, I can’t help but think Jamieson is missing something in his analysis, and indeed is far too accepting of the reasons people give for leaving church as being positive steps of faith. In another class at Fuller, lo those seven years ago, but with the same two people in charge as now, I studied a different analysis of church leaving. In that class the focus was on nominality. Rather than being an expression of new stages of faith the reasons people leave church have oftentimes a lot more of the lateral move about them. Those at stage three, in my estimation are a large number of those who leave, placing their confidence in a different “religion” but not exhibiting any maturation of faith. Indeed, unlike Jamieson I do not romanticize those outside the church who leave their, as he puts it, commitment to literal interpretations. Rarely have I found someone at a more advanced stage who has left the church. Almost always I've found those who left to have a rather anemic sort of faith indeed. Though there are exceptations, they are not the rule.

Instead, I’ve discovered a great deal of rationalization. For to advance in a stage of faith does not require mere openness and acceptance, but instead it requires great challenge, either within or from others who both show the need for advance, and exhibit in word and deed the responsibilities the next stage entails to find and maintain.

Most of those who leave the church are not stage five, as he seems to heartily suggest. Rather they are likely stage three, and maybe stage four, in which they will likely never advance after finding an new affiliation in work, political partisanship, or another cause. Or stage four, in which they disdain conservative faith and idealize the freedom which they themselves have not yet attained apart from a newly chosen semi-faith community. They redefine their categories with stage four or five language, being such is attractive to them, but generally their actions, commitments, and relatedness does not in fact change. Just their language and rationalizations.

Now, being that I don’t attend church it may seem peculiar that I come down a bit hard on those who do leave the church, and do not necessarily respect this as a choice reflecting an advance in faith consciousness. There can be many reasons to leave, and the monastics seem to suggest that the most common reasons for leaving a community are either a lessening of faith or a spiritual attack which causes listlessness and discontent in the community. Like with a marriage, commitment is itself a spiritual lesson, and those who truly have faith can advance in the faith no matter the context.

How does this apply to me then and my unchurched Church? For one, I did not leave church out of a faith exploration. I left my church because I moved, and since I moved, for various reasons, I have not committed to a new community. My personal appropriation of each stage I’ve come to has always encountered both the frustrations and successes of personal growth while within a context of a faith filled community. A Church, in my experience, neither hampers nor helps real faith advancement, which is indeed a personal journey.

Jamieson notes there have been rare instances of stage six faith persons, however these people have left writings, and they note that the journey upwards is never apart from spiritual mentorship, and never apart from absolute pursuit of the faith even with the questions. Yes, there is to be honesty, but doubt is not a Christian value even if it is sometimes a part of our own sinful existence we have to face and overcome.

It is not enough for me to share with others the struggles of my own faith. I know my struggles, I don’t want to wallow in them. I want to be around people who have moved onwards and upwards, not discuss my situation in a non judgmental forum. I want to be challenged. To pursue and be pursued.

In this I think there are two different kinds of categories for the unchurched. There are those who leave Church because they have become nominal, pausing in their faith journey even if their faith journey begins to take on different contexts. Jamieson tells the story of the deep sea fishermen, but forgets to tell us why they are better. Going farther out to sea is not diving into the depths, and we can also suggest that it is the fishermen, who do not get the exercise of the swimmers, who are the farthest from the truth. One does not discover the depths with line and pole, but with greater lung capacity and muscular strength. The swimmers who persist are the ones who will find the depths, never the fishermen. There are far more lateral movements than Jamieson realizes, and in he mistakes a change of context for a real upwards movement.

Then, however, there are the monastics among us, who generally insist on a more intimate mature spirituality, but generally within the context of community. They are the ones who may leave the Church for a greater faith, but they leave with even more discipline in mind rather than more openness. The monastics, however, greatly encourage staying in a situation, even if it is difficult, for as one says, "stay in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything."

Leaving the church should be an agonizing decision based on a particular work of the Spirit in a person’s life, for a specific season. It is not a sign of a faith journey to leave, nor to stay. Indeed, leaving can indicate profound nominality, justified in Jamieson by spiritualized language, and staying can indicate an mature desire to grow in faith, while both a teacher and a student.

One of the Desert Fathers once noted that anyone who goes into the desert must be a teacher rather than a seeker or student. Jamieson describes a lot of seekers who go wandering, many of which will never even begin the process of faith advancement. As someone who taught, and led, and created within a church context my leaving and now present absence from formal church is only possible because of a schedule which allows for increased spiritual reading and prayer and continual interaction with those as and more spiritually advanced than I am.

I am able to not go to church on Sundays because I do church more than ever before, taking it all more seriously, rather than letting it go and trying to find my way. I also have the resources and training to self-teach when necessary. Jamieson is off track to imply the leaving of Church is a sign of spiritual advancement. It is not, and only very rarely can spiritual advancement come in the absence of a church community. More often than not it is not a state of faith being realized, but a stage of nominality being rationalized. This is a fact I continually consider in myself, and constantly seek the wisdom of others in making sure I am in fact moving forward.

My worry with this book is that a nominal Christian can see themselves, wrongly, as a spiritually advancing person, rationalizing their lateral movements as advancements, and thus being happily and proudly stuck going no where.

I do not go to church. But I do not recommend not going to church to anyone. I see it as a movement of the Spirit in my life, and one which insists I am more cautious about my faith. This is definitely not something to approve let alone take pride in, even if in doing so I strongly feel I am pursuing Christ as he leads me. As a hermit once said, “When you flee from the company of other people, or when you despise the world and worldlings, take care to do so as if it were you who was being idiotic.”

People leave churches. But they really shouldn’t. Not unless it is the Spirit clearly leading them, and making sure they leave only with the wise counsel of other undergirding the decision. A faith journey is never isolated, and it is the enemy who often lies to us, deceiving us that we will find light outside the church when we can’t find it within the church. Far too often we stay in the darkness and begin to call this light, never finding our way out again.

Emerging Churches without a Church

I suspect that for the last ten years or so I’ve read all the wrong books. The right books were all around me, and people around me were reading them. I, for whatever reason, wasn’t drawn to them. Maybe it was a religious rebelliousness of sorts, or maybe it was that same reality in me which tended to not like the chapel speakers others liked, and to be drawn to those who didn’t seem to resonate with others. I don’t know. But I do blame those wrong sorts of books for my present state in life, this being an entirely unacceptable sort of state, and one which I am occasionally embarrassed and usually cautious about admitting.

Hello, my name is Patrick. I have not attended church regularly for two years.

I have, however, found a deepening faith, a renewed and developing understanding of Jesus, and found myself interacting with others in wonderfully spiritual ways. I have not forsaken meeting with other Christians. I just don’t go to a Sunday service, and don’t have a pastoral staff responsible for my spiritual interactions. I’m not quite sure whether I have a church, though in a curious way I find myself doing church more thoroughly in many ways, ways which seem to match up to the various traits of the Emerging Church, though admittedly more informally than even some of these avante garde devotees might allow.

I hope here to both describe some of these basic traits and, hopefully, suggest how a person in an unchurched church goes about pursuing these aims even without a formal setting.

The first trait is called “identifying with Jesus”. Like it sounds, the Emerging Church takes special note of the person of Jesus as not only a message but also a model. Rather than emphasizing the oft over spiritualized “Christ” the real life of Jesus is seen as a worthwhile pattern for our daily lives.

This is the most defining component in my case. While in church I increasingly began to realize, and feel deep within, a calling not only to proclaim Christ but to be able to say, along with Paul, to live is Christ. This began in college and developed over the years. Unfortunately, I also began to increasingly see distractions in my ecclesial experiences. I increasingly realized that my efforts in church were about Christ, sometimes, being mostly about church programs, but had little to do with Jesus. I seemingly came to a crossroads. I could stay in church and embrace the distractions, or I could pursue the path of Jesus and seek the fullness of what he offered. This path entails the disciplines Jesus exemplifies, as well as the intentional, yet casual, spirituality wherever he went.

The second trait of the Emerging Church is the transformation of secular space. Essentially this is a return to the more typical human model of sacred and secular interaction. There is no real division, as modernity would suggest.

Following the pursuit of Jesus as a model, this is the most essential quality of my present state. With there being no formal sacred space in my life, I either become fully secular or I begin to realize the spirituality of the every day. Each moment, then, is sacred, each space I occupy becomes a place of divine interaction. In this I never distance myself from the spiritual lessons I can learn, or remove myself from the spiritual contributions I can make. If the Spirit is in me, then wherever I go the Spirit is with me, thus all I do becomes a worship experience, with the goal being making all of such acceptable forms of worship (cf. Romans 12:1).

The third trait is “living as a community”. The body of Christ is made up of many parts, and these parts aren’t pasted together and independently functioning. Instead, each part is united and interrelated. For the body to function right, the various systems which tie it all together have to be working. So too with the Church. There has to be real activity in the building of community.

In this we find my situation particularly different. Without a formal community the intentionality of meeting with a set group of covenanted individuals doesn’t happen. Instead, I look at community the same way I look at space. Each interaction I have becomes a spiritual interaction, and with those I am close to I intentionally seek a relationship that breaks through the wall of superficiality. Among these relationships are particular ones which also involve mutual prayer and spiritual conversation. I pray specifically for these others, they specifically pray for me, we discuss our spiritual lessons and challenges, and otherwise create a bond of the Spirit in our lives.

The fourth trait is “welcoming the stranger”. In this we see one of Jesus’ most apparent traits. He was always meeting and encouraging people, leading each person he met towards a greater spiritual state.

Without the sacred space, there is not a church I see as my place of spiritual duty. Instead, it is my goal to see each interaction, wherever, as a place to reflect Christ. This isn’t about evangelism. This is about recognition. I want to perceive the Spirit in others, and in even the briefest interactions to be the kind of person who brings light to each moment.

“Serving with generosity” is the fifth trait of the Emerging Churches. Here we have the special efforts of helping others, making sure their needs are met, and going out of our way to be someone for someone else.

Here we have a particularly interesting trait I am able to pursue. Because of my choices, I have a flexible schedule which I see as a responsibility. Though busy, I can adjust my time to help those around me, making special efforts of both time and energy which are both planned and spontaneous. Being there for someone in this era of persistent obligations is a particular blessing I find. Indeed, I see this as a primary duty, with my other efforts always taking a backseat to opportunities of helping out.

The sixth trait is “participating as producers”. We’re not meant to be passive recipients of God’s work in this world. We are called to interact, to contribute, to reflect the Spirit through our gifts as others reflect them to us.

This is not an option in my unchurched lifestyle. If I am not active in the pursuit of Christ, I have no pursuit of Christ. If I do not study Scripture, I have no sermon to encourage me. If I do not pray, I have no liturgy to undergird me. If I do not notice and respond to the Spirit, I lose the entire basis of my spiritual life in this moment. My spirituality is entirely dependent on my participation, and in this I become able to participate with others in their journeys while never dependent on others for my spiritual well being.

With this is the seventh trait, “creating as created beings.” In a typical church we can be lulled into a complacency of liturgy, where we perform an act without the spiritual fruit. However, in an unchurched church, where I don’t have a worship band following me, or a mighty pipe organ belting out my favorite hymns, to worship I have to have a creative worship. This includes musical worship, of my own, as well as non-musical acts of consideration and liturgy, which helps to point me towards God in new ways, and helps the transformation of the secular back towards the sacred.

The eighth trait is “leading as a body”. Everyone who is filled with the Spirit has an area in which they contribute to the Spirit’s work. No on is in charge of the Spirit. Leadership, then, reflects this broad participation, becoming a fluid and functional exercise which may differ in various areas, but is never hierarchical.

My situation itself assumes this fluidity of leadership. While I have respected mentors, my choice to step away from the church is itself an expression of leadership on my part, willing to forge trails myself, and willing to make decisions which others may doubt. However, even in these I do not walk alone, but take the wisdom and counsel of those in my life as essential for my decisions, and in doing this allow even the leadership of my isolated life to be communally guided.

The ninth trait is “merging ancient and contemporary spiritualities”. The Spirit is not bound by time, and in the spiritual life what is new is not always what is best. While we continue to discover truths, we also forget old lessons, and thus can learn from the Spirit’s work in the present and the Spirit’s work through people of all centuries.

Here we come to all those “wrong books” I’ve read. My spirituality is extremely reflective of the contemporary de-emphasis on church. Yet, my spirituality is also extremely reflective of some of the more obscure trails of the church. My readings, and my prayers, and my very lifestyle reflect a yearning for something the Evangelical church has no allowance for. I began to read the emphases of the monastics, especially those from early centuries, and realized for me to find increased depth I had to follow the trails they forged. This meant a stepping away, into the mountains, and focusing my heart and mind on a fuller, more thorough, pursuit of Christ in what I consider an Evangelical sort of monasticism. This pursuit, which encompasses life as a whole, seeks to find in our present era the best reflections of how those spiritual greats from centuries past found significant depth and light.

It is this last point which ties together all the various aspects in helping me to realize my present state as being something more than a justification for not participating in a formal community. In seeking the depths and realities of Jesus, I saw the pursuits of Christ being exemplified in the monastic forms of Anthony, John Cassian, and manifold others, and knew that light for my present life could only coming from stepping back, and embracing the humility and other lessons which only come from distancing myself from the formal leadership and ambitions a church setting offers.


It is in stepping away from Church, that I have come to really find church, and am coming to really find the depths of Christ and Spirit which may provoke me to more active and fruitful involvement in coming years.

A Joke

What's the difference between a worship leader and a terrorist?


You can negotiate with a terrorist.

hat tip to Eric H.

mountain bird

A steller's jay. They live in the mountains of Southern California. They dress nice, as you can tell, though some may argue with their choice to mix blue and black. Generally, they are squaking kinds of birds, with a harsh cackle. But, if you listen to the forest you'll hear other sounds. A contented mumbling, a hawk like scream, a delighted whistling, and once even what sounded like R2D2 in a tree.

If you listen, and get to know what they are saying, you can understand what's going on in the other parts of the forest. Where the ravens are, for instance, or where the coyotes are wandering past. You can also know if the forest is at peace when the only sound to be heard is the wind through the trees and a quiet sing song conversation of one jay with another.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the Emerging Church in the 21st century. At least I don't think it does. There's this part of me, this ancient part of me, that suspects such things have a lot in common indeed.

If we only just knew how to look and listen right.

Well, the class has started, and it is indeed quite interesting. I have access to a computer now, and will be posting more in coming days.

So far I have some questions which have arisen, which I think I considered before in vague ways but not necessarily with the same phrasing. Today we discussed "Dieter's story", the story of Dieter Zander who in many ways reflects the journey of the emerging church movement in America. His story is interesting to me, of course, because it mirrors my story. Or I mirror his story. Except for one key bit. His is the story of being the insider along the path of discovery. I have the story, in almost the exact same settings (until recently), except I track along as an outsider to the movement, approaching the same realizations, but not within the setting of anything established.

I began my independent church life at NewSong in 1991. I left for Wheaton in 1993, and Dieter "followed" me when he moved to Willowcreek in 1994. We both discovered similar movements of spirituality, though mine came from reading Wesley and Early Church Fathers, which Dieter found more directly distilled in Dallas Willard.

I, however, returned to NewSong after I was done in the Chicago area. He did not.

My internships were at NewSong through my M.Div. I left NewSong totally in 2003 to move to the mountains having been completely burned by church stuff. However, my frustrations were not due to philosophy or people. I was frustrated with leaders. And this is where some of my own questions and my own hurts can be found. I don't trust leaders. Since Dieter onwards I've seen movements started and abandoned by leaders who lose and refind visions. I couldn't help think this evening the whole emerging movement reminds me a little bit of an ecclesial midlife crisis. Pastors dump their first wives, buy the corvette, grow out the hair, live wild and free, then remarry, have a new baby, and seem to start over again, having matured, but with each point of maturity seeming to leave behind a burned out district of sorts, where people who committed to the Vision are left to pick up the pieces.

My problem with church is I don't like leaders and I don't like leadership. My problem with church is my initial angst against church (which is actually fairly low level now after a few years of mountain living) was formed by what can be considered the founding methods of the Emerging Church. Many in the movement reject the traditional church, my traditions have been within the avante garde churches, and so I tend to see the weaknesses of the communities as much as the strengths. However, after these said few years in the mountains, I don't see the weaknesses as something to enter my soul but something to address. I want to see past the weaknesses, and discover a fuller picture of this all.

I personally think this may come through a study of the Holy Spirit, but we'll see how that works out.

I am enjoying this conversation, this reurbanized couple of weeks, back in school, and back around people. It's the right thing at this point to do. The reason why will have to come later. God often works this way. "Go," he says, and doesn't say why. Sometimes I think he never says why. But, there is only to do, as it is in obedience that we really begin to see the fullness of Christ, in all things.

This is just my class blog, so there's only a wee bit of commentary going on here. For more fun wander on over to my website Dualravens.com. Among the myriad of things you'll find there is my primary blog Present Matters.

Well, here's the specialty blog. It's MC535 Emerging Churches in the 21st Century, everyday and without commercial interruptions.

Me ready to start blogging: