Well, the class has started, and it is indeed quite interesting. I have access to a computer now, and will be posting more in coming days.

So far I have some questions which have arisen, which I think I considered before in vague ways but not necessarily with the same phrasing. Today we discussed "Dieter's story", the story of Dieter Zander who in many ways reflects the journey of the emerging church movement in America. His story is interesting to me, of course, because it mirrors my story. Or I mirror his story. Except for one key bit. His is the story of being the insider along the path of discovery. I have the story, in almost the exact same settings (until recently), except I track along as an outsider to the movement, approaching the same realizations, but not within the setting of anything established.

I began my independent church life at NewSong in 1991. I left for Wheaton in 1993, and Dieter "followed" me when he moved to Willowcreek in 1994. We both discovered similar movements of spirituality, though mine came from reading Wesley and Early Church Fathers, which Dieter found more directly distilled in Dallas Willard.

I, however, returned to NewSong after I was done in the Chicago area. He did not.

My internships were at NewSong through my M.Div. I left NewSong totally in 2003 to move to the mountains having been completely burned by church stuff. However, my frustrations were not due to philosophy or people. I was frustrated with leaders. And this is where some of my own questions and my own hurts can be found. I don't trust leaders. Since Dieter onwards I've seen movements started and abandoned by leaders who lose and refind visions. I couldn't help think this evening the whole emerging movement reminds me a little bit of an ecclesial midlife crisis. Pastors dump their first wives, buy the corvette, grow out the hair, live wild and free, then remarry, have a new baby, and seem to start over again, having matured, but with each point of maturity seeming to leave behind a burned out district of sorts, where people who committed to the Vision are left to pick up the pieces.

My problem with church is I don't like leaders and I don't like leadership. My problem with church is my initial angst against church (which is actually fairly low level now after a few years of mountain living) was formed by what can be considered the founding methods of the Emerging Church. Many in the movement reject the traditional church, my traditions have been within the avante garde churches, and so I tend to see the weaknesses of the communities as much as the strengths. However, after these said few years in the mountains, I don't see the weaknesses as something to enter my soul but something to address. I want to see past the weaknesses, and discover a fuller picture of this all.

I personally think this may come through a study of the Holy Spirit, but we'll see how that works out.

I am enjoying this conversation, this reurbanized couple of weeks, back in school, and back around people. It's the right thing at this point to do. The reason why will have to come later. God often works this way. "Go," he says, and doesn't say why. Sometimes I think he never says why. But, there is only to do, as it is in obedience that we really begin to see the fullness of Christ, in all things.